I dreamt I was underwater breathing again.  Kept telling myself how to breathe.  And yes I saw small yellow fishes swimming beside me.

It was raining heavily today with occasional thunder & lights.  The car park outside my house was flooded as usual.  A dog was sitting on a floating dustbin & passing by my window.  It looked at me with a look of embarrassment.  And then another floating dustbin followed after it.  I took some water from the sink & set it to boil in the kettle.  Then I sat myself down at the breakfast table and started smiling at my imagination.  The rain today had reminded me of a story I read in my primary school days.  I only remembered it was about a pet guppy being out in a drain & met a lot of encounters.  I still could see some colors in those memories.  Suddenly I missed reading it but I am not sure whether the book is still around.  Despite the heavy rain, it didn’t stop my grandma from coming over to give us fruits, before she & grandpa joined their friends for their usual card games.  I wish they had waited… They were drenched.

The story from yesterday continued –

Now I understand why 1 of my friends thought, it’ll be interesting to learn diving together with me.  Even I find myself hilarious.

With one of my feet free from the fins, I could use my leg to kick up the loosened fin.   And 1 of the guy course mates beside, helped me to catch it.  But then I had a hard time wearing it back on, not until my dive master showed me the correct way.  Our class had 9 students, so we split into 2 groups.  But gathering around my group was still difficult for me.  I still couldn’t control my fins.  I kept going to the wrong direction.  The instructor asked us to put on our mask & snorkel, so at least we were less panicky.  I was struggling with my fins.  My instructor kept asking me: “Where are you going?”  Oh great to have instructor & dive master in the pool.  Hahahah….Ok time to learn the crucial skills.  With all being explained, we switched to our regulator & down we go.  WOW!  My 1^st breath underwater!  It was really a strange feeling.  I didn’t even remember I was carrying a tank on my back.  So that was how it felt like.  I dunno how to put it.  I was really breathing underwater!  We were on our knees as our instructor demonstrated the skills.  1^st we had to learn to take out our regulator & back again in our mouth.  My mind was still trying to remember all the notes. “Out & in & blow or block & …”  Sometimes, it was better to just do it, than thinking so hard.  1 by 1, we showed it to the instructor with the 2 methods of doing it.  I forgot to exhale steadily out after I removed my regulator.  It is very extremely important to continue breathing in diving, even you've to exhale.  Or else you'll be risking lung over-expansion injuries.  Next, clearing our mask, should the water accidentally go in.  The instructor was able to ‘add’ water in his mask by tapping his fingers above the mask.  But I couldn’t get the water in.  To think I signaled a "Can not do it" to him.  He pulled my mask out lightly, and there the water came rushing in, before I cleared it away successfully.  Next, removing our mask & putting it on again.  So long you remain calm & continued to breathe through your regulator, it shouldn’t bother you.  Other skills involved locating your regulator, should it fell off, removing your inflator hose, should your BCD inflated on its own, sending you up the water dangerously. And sipping air skill should the regulator suddenly became free flow etc etc… I was coughing hard at that skill.  I ended up choking water instead.  But on 2nd try, finally got it ok.  All of a sudden, all the pool lights black out.  I was surprised we could still see very clearly underwater.  The lights went off, cos’ we had exceeded their normal operating hour.   

Finally the instructor took us for a ‘ride’ with the pool now all ours.  I knew it would be definitely a thrilling experience if there were fishes around for real.  I had difficulty controlling my buoyancy & not able to dive near the floor.  So I was diving behind.  The rest went ahead & suddenly I saw some people gathering in the middle of the pool.  I had all these question marks.  What were they doing?  I went over & before I could comprehend, my temporary buddy suddenly came over & tugged my hand.  Gosh! I was in the wrong group.  My mask kept fogging, indicating to me that I didn’t wash it well enough with the toothpaste to remove the newly purchased coating over it. 

It was a good start nevertheless, despite the class ended late.  It was only after class that I realized I didn’t equalize my ears correctly at all.  If this depth had been deeper, I could have ‘earned’ myself serious ear injuries.  With the pool deepest at 2m, I didn’t feel the discomfort in my ears.  Just as I finished my shower & got myself dressed, all the lights went off again.  Sigh… Ok I got it really that they were very punctual about closing.  No one was in sight.  For a moment, I thought did I imagine all these?  Seeing my wet mask sitting in my bag, I knew this was for real.  I’m learning to DIVE!    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp; 

Finally my 1^st Pool session started today for Open Water Diver Course.  Yesterday to be precise, with the clock tick tick tick over midnight and into the wee hours as I wrote this.  Why time passes so quickly at night?  Maybe it thought no one is watching.  I had watched enough video & taken enough notes.  But I felt like a clumsy fish learning to walk on land.  If you know what I meant.  But having said that, I think it’ll be a lovely cute sight too to see this cute clumsy fish.  Anybody out there wants to do an animation on that?  May fare better than “Finding Nemo” at the box office!

Anyway, learning something new is always like that.  We may be water babies in our mothers’ wombs.  But definitely not diving with big fins, a big mouthpiece in our mouth that is called a regulator, with hoses that are connected to a heavy tank that contained air.  1^st shock came from learning we had to do a swimming test - 4 laps of the pool.  That was a long ‘journey’ for someone who hardly exercises.  Ok of course, this is a diving course.  What do I expect?  A stroll at the seabed?  No problem.  I can do it!  I’m here to DIVE!  Secondly, stay afloat for 10 minutes in water.  It was great that floating on the back also count.  Finally the up closed ‘getting to know’ your equipment session & gearing up.  All eyes & minds were focused & fixed on the demonstration.  Because your life depended on them.  When we were asked to check the regulator to see if we can breath in it, I was hesitating whether the whole regulator mouthpiece really must go into the mouth.  Because there was an additional small portion sitting outside, where you could bite on it.  Yes all of it.  The tank was heavy but not for long.  The BCD was partly inflated so it floated in the water with the tank.  3 x 1 kg weights were sitting evenly around my weight belt that will help me to sink.  I went into the water to put on my fins.  Straightaway, I felt like a stuntman trying to walk on the rope strung across in the air.  I kept losing my balance.  It was so uncomfortable.  I had a hard time getting on my BCD.  I couldn’t turn myself around with my fins on, & standing on the pool edges at the same time.  With my feet too short to stand on the floor, I didn’t dare to leave the edges.  My dive master kindly helped me with it.  While everybody were getting into the water & slipping on his or her BCD, my instructor turned & checked on everybody & suddenly asked me, “Where is your fin?”  I was puzzled & looked down, my right fin had slipped off, & I couldn’t feel it at all.  “Gosh where did it go?”  I was red with embarrassment. “Ok wait, I saw it below my feet.”  With my BCD inflated, I was floating in the water.  I reached out my hands.  Reaching for it was impossible.  It was a funny situation…

(To be continued) J    

Finally I was able to hold a hamster in my hands.  Such cute curdle little fellow with little fury hands.  But only in my dream, yet left me smiling rest of today.  I used to have 20 + hamsters.  With their short 2 years plus lifespan, it was heartbreaking 20 + times, so I called my quits.

Anyway I thought the story about falling only happens about going up or down. But with such a simple mind, I didn't know it could be too about choosing left or right.

A cold & hungry girl from Neverland was standing on the ground between Neverland & Wonderland.  One day an earthquake occurred & split the ground she happened to stand on.  It sent her flying down or falling to be precise.  The hole became wider & wider.  But the bottom ground was not in sight.  At this moment, she had to decide whether to grab her left hand side - Neverland, or her right side - Wonderland, to save herself from falling.  Her hands were too short to grab both sides to break her fall. And it was a hard choice to make. At Neverland, it was known that there was firewood. But they were not easy to find.  If you do, you can set up a fireplace & even cook delicious meals with it everyday.  But she hasn't found it yet before she falls, so she was unhappy.  At Wonderland on her right, she was promised a candlelight that will never goes off.  And she can has it all her life.  Which way should she choose?  She wanted the firewood at Neverland, in which she may has to spend all her life looking for it with no promises, but she also thought that the Wonderland should be her way to be free & happy.  She forces herself to forget about the firewood & the potential to cook delicious meals with it.  She forces herself not to imagine the fragrance of the meals she will cook as it goes out of the chimney & miles beyond.  She forces herself to forget the smile of the person who may love & appreciate her warm, delicious meals for a lifetime.

I wish I told this story tonight.  But my mind was too anxious.  And eyes remained clouded.  Words became silence.

Finally heard 12:17 on Sabrina's mp3 player. (a song collaboration between NightSound's REQ & Mizeryfree's lead singer Kevin Teoh).

It's beautiful. I love its mood, although it's a sad song. It painted a picture in my mind. And linger long after...into the night.

I just wanna shared my sight and remember it when I heard it for the 1st time -

Sunshine bathe the long road ahead. A vehicle awaits, loaded with bags & luggages.  A man is leaving. A memory he carries with him, of a night with falling snow. He is playing & running after someone. The night is pitch black. He turns around and strike a match. The small fire flame stood burning while he watches the falling snow...very gently falls

"Every one is a moon, and has a dark side which he never shows to anybody." – Mark Twai
 

Dark side can be a vulnerable face too.

Falling is a process everyone goes through number of times in life.  I always believe one can bounce up like a ball, once you hit the floor.  Because what goes down, must comes up.  Sometimes it works.  Sometimes it doesn't. It is a different scenario, when one falls into an abyss.  I saw an image of a girl falling into an abyss.  Darkness swallowed her.  She was losing sight of light.  If she hit the sides of the hole she was falling into, with some bruises and sight of blood.  It would be good.  Because at least she was convinced she was falling & at least had an idea how the hole was like.  But the process of falling was slow & long.  So long, she begun to wonder, was she really falling?  How much time had gone?  She wasn't sure.  She began to be afraid.  There was no more light.  There were hands reaching out to her.  She was afraid to grab them.  She told herself she just needed some more time to reach the floor.  It was just a fall.  She thought once she is there, she'll be able to pick herself up again & climb out of the hole.  But she didn't realize, pain & injuries await her destination below.  Even possible death.

Imagination is a wonderful gift I was given to.  When my days were gray, it painted my world in colors.  But it is easy to abuse it too to fill up empty spaces in life, when one can make more efforts instead.  I lost sight of my reality world.   I thought no one would notice anyway.  Let alone care.  Just cheating to get by days.

This is my 1^st blog entry.  I just wanna say is, don't let the beautiful things in life passing you by.  Time is very precious. I always believe, it takes many reincarnation to be a human, and even longer to be a better human. Treasure it.